To the Women Carrying Anxiety: You Don't Have to Be Inspirational to Be Strong
If you're reading this, you probably know what it feels like to hold everything together while falling apart inside. To show up for work, for family, for friends, while your heart races and your thoughts spiral and nobody around you has any idea.
I want to talk about that. Specifically, I want to talk about what it means to be a woman carrying anxiety in a world that still expects us to be pleasant, accommodating, and effortlessly "together."
The Weight We Don't Talk About
There's a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from managing anxiety while also managing everyone else's expectations. The expectation that we'll be calm. That we'll be nurturing. That we'll handle the emotional labor of relationships, families, workplaces — all while our nervous systems are screaming at us that something is wrong, even when nothing is.
I've had panic attacks in bathroom stalls and then fixed my eyeliner like nothing happened. I've said "I'm fine" a thousand times when I was absolutely not fine. I've pushed through social events because canceling would mean disappointing people, even though every cell in my body wanted to be home under a blanket.
If this sounds familiar: you're not alone. And you're not weak for feeling this way.
What Resilience Actually Looks Like
Here's what I wish someone had told me years ago: resilience isn't the absence of struggle. It's not being "over" anxiety. It's not waking up one day cured and strong and unshakable.
Resilience is getting up anyway. It's making the phone call even though your hands shake. It's going to therapy when your family doesn't understand why you need it. It's taking your medication even when there's stigma whispering that you should be able to handle this "naturally."
Resilience is sometimes just surviving the day. And that's enough.
What Helped Me — Not Magic, Just Work
I can't give you a roadmap to thriving because I'm still figuring it out. But I can tell you what's actually helped me, piece by piece, over years:
Finding the right therapist. It took three tries. The first two were fine people but not the right fit. The third one — she changed everything. She taught me that anxiety isn't something to defeat; it's something to learn to carry more lightly.
Medication. I fought this for years. Now I take sertraline every morning without shame. It doesn't fix everything, but it takes the edge off enough that I can use the other tools I've learned.
Community. Finding other women who understood — online at first, then in real life — was like discovering I'd been speaking a foreign language my whole life and finally meeting people who were fluent too. The relief of "you too?" cannot be overstated.
Setting boundaries. This is still the hardest one. Saying no. Protecting my energy. Accepting that I can't be everything to everyone. It gets easier with practice, but it never gets easy.
The Cultural Piece
As a Somali-American woman, I carry an extra layer. In my community, mental health wasn't something we talked about when I was growing up. Anxiety was weakness. Taking medication was "Western" thinking. Therapy was for people who had "real" problems.
Breaking through that stigma — both external and internal — was its own journey. If you come from a community where mental health isn't discussed, I see you. It's harder. The resources might not be there in your language. The understanding might not be there in your family. You're forging a path that didn't exist for you, and that's a kind of courage that doesn't get celebrated enough.
You Don't Have to Be Inspirational
International Women's Day posts often feature women who have overcome incredible odds and emerged triumphant. I love those stories. But I also want to make room for the women who are just... still here. Still managing. Still showing up, even imperfectly, even messily, even when it takes everything they've got.
You don't have to be an inspiration. You don't have to turn your anxiety into a success story with a neat ending. You're allowed to just be a person with anxiety who is doing her best. That is enough. That is its own kind of triumph.
What I Want You to Know
If you're reading this on International Women's Day — or any day — and you're in the middle of a hard season with your anxiety, I want you to hear this:
You're not broken. You're not doing it wrong. You're not less than the women who seem to have it all together (they don't, I promise — some are just better at hiding it).
Your anxiety is not a character flaw. It's not a lack of faith or willpower or strength. It's a neurological condition that you didn't choose and that you're doing your best to manage. That effort matters. It counts.
And if nobody has told you lately: I'm proud of you. For getting help. For taking your medication. For canceling plans when you needed to. For going anyway when that was important to you. For trying. For surviving.
That's the resilience worth celebrating. Not the pretty version. The real one.
Finding Support
If you're looking for therapy or support, here are some places to start:
- Psychology Today's therapist finder — filter by insurance, specialty, and location
- OpenPath Collective — sliding scale therapy ($30-$60/session) if you don't have insurance
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) — free support groups and resources
- The Loveland Foundation — therapy fund for Black women and girls
- South Asian Mental Health Alliance — culturally competent resources for South Asian communities
- Muslim Mental Health — resources for Muslims seeking mental health support
I'm not a therapist or medical professional. Everything I share comes from my own experience with anxiety and what I've learned along the way. This is not medical advice. If you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional. If you're in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741).